Not in the mood? Struggle to unwind? Too tired? Too busy? Kids awake?

Just a few reasons people tell me they stop being intimate in long term relationships.

Over the long term it can start to feel impossible to save enough energy for an active sex life. Maybe it’s become a Sunday morning special, or less often than that.

But happens is that over the long term is subtle feelings of rejection, guilt and resentment begin to brew in one or both partners. It becomes the elephant in the room that shall never be mentioned.

And it doesn’t just happen in relationships. If you’re single, neglecting your sexuality will still erode your wellbeing. Your relationship with your body and sensuality are core to confidence and self esteem and directly related to your creativity and happiness.
So what can we do?

We need to make time for a healthy sex life, just the same as we do for shopping, exercise, work projects. It’s funny that we’re happy to diarise almost everything in life, but when it comes to sex, people feel that’s too demanding or somehow not spontaneous enough.

I recommend getting those diaries out and putting in, at the minimum, one date time a week, ideally 2. Note, they don’t have to be at night! But they do need to be at least one hour of date time.

Most of us can find 2 hours a week.

One should be a sexy date, and the other should be a fun date.

On the sexy date you can do anything that feels sensual and connected. If you’re sharing it with someone, take turns being in charge of planning the date. If it’s a playdate with yourself you can follow your whim.

For the second date you can do anything you or you both will enjoy. Movies, games night, walks, socialising, or another sexy date if you both agree.  

It is up to you to show up for your dates as best you can - including for yourself!