3 Things You Can Do to Improve the Quality of Any Relationship

Nearly all of is have a relationship or two that aren’t the way we want them to be. It could be a family member, your current partner or an ex you want to stay on good terms with, a friend, or a colleague, but it should be someone where, try as you might, it bothers you that it’s not as positive as it could be.

This is an exercise to help you make peace with the situation and explore the possibility of improving the relationship. It might be possible, and it might not, but this is a good way to find out and either enjoy an improved connection or let go of wondering if you could make it better.

Show them you appreciate them

Even if we live with someone and tell them we love them every single day, this is a powerful because it shows we have gone to the next level of connecting with someone. The key here is to show them in a way that is meaningful for them. There are many ways people communicate love, and if you’re all about words but your partner is all about gifts, you’d do better to buy them a little something rather than write them a poem.  

Find a new approach to conflict

I am going to go into more detail on this topic soon, but for now here’s a quick overview of a new way to approach issues where there’s some friction.

Sometimes in life, sorting out areas of conflict can be complicated. People understand words differently, have different triggers and different value systems.

Here is the best approach I know of for approaching touchy topics.

1. Start with something positive. ‘You know, the thing I love about you is the way you <insert example>’.

2. Use collaborative language for the middle but; ‘But we do seem to have a bit of a problem with... How do you think we can work through this? Do you think it’s worth trying...?

3. Finish positive. Reiterate something positive or state something new.

When you do this it will help both of you start to associate dealing with issues together as a good thing.

Let go of the outcome

If you genuinely express appreciation for someone, try and humbly work through an issue and understand their perspective and it doesn’t work, hard as it might be, let it go. You can only do you best. You can’t force a relationship to work. There are all sorts of things that could be preventing it going the way you want.

I know sometimes this sucks, but ultimately if these things don’t work, you would be better off worrying and putting your effort into relationships that are going to work.  

Lots of love

Ruth

Energy. The Struggle is Real.

We’ve known it for years and now research has confirmed it as fact, women give away their energy too much. We do it everywhere – work, to children, to partners, to friends.
 
Men and women do this but in women it’s an almost ingrained compulsion to over-give. It results in anxiety, fatigue, overwhelm, and eventually exhaustion.
 
It’s super painful because everything in life when we are depleted feels really hard! We’re in struggle street, we don’t have the energy to connect with others the way we want to, we have to say to things because we’re too tired and it feels horrible.
 
When we learn to make energy our friend, it feels almost like we are available for life again. There’s a sense of spaciousness, fun, ease and flow. But the difference in a life that drains you dry and one that fill you up can sometimes be tiny.
 

Here are 5 things you can do right now that will help you sustain more energy

(all of us will have some things we are doing better than others)
 

Work with your constitution

What drains you and what gives you energy?
 
Some of us find social interactions tiring whereas for others being with people energises them. Often it’s not what we do but how we do it that makes it a drain. If you have to cook dinner and you hate cooking, what could you do to make it easier or more fun?

Move your body

Being sedentary is one of the most exhausting things we can do. Try getting in some movement every single day as a baseline. If you’re feeling tired and drained it can be stuck energy. Doing something like a few Lion’s Breaths can help. Go for a run or boxing session. If you’re feeling it, screaming into a pillow or literally throwing yourself on the bed and having a toddler style tantrum will really help your system clear out stress.
 

Balance your self-talk

Something that a lot of us do that is super tiring is to have a lot of negative self-talk going on. If you start the day looking in the mirror and thinking you’re looking rough, then get annoyed with yourself for hitting snooze, and then for all the things on your to-do list – it’s a massive drain. Imagine it as someone following your around the house saying that stuff – not exactly inspiring, right?
The trick is to have self-compassion. When you hear the negative voice, can you balance it with a kind response?
 

Slow down

Start the day way slower than usual. Meditate for 10 mins, do some yoga. Try and slow everything down and do one thing at a time. It’s an illusion that multi-tasking gets more done.
 

What lights you up?

Relationships expert, Esther Perel, calls this ‘eros’ and says it’s one of the most important things any women can do in her life and in her relationships. Eros is the things that make us feel alive and vibrant. Think of all the things people pour into their children. New games, stories, new clothes, fun activities. When was the last time you did any of these things for yourself?

Lots of love