Letting Go Isn't Always The Hardest Thing...

Have you ever done a big clear out of your cupboards or desk, only to find in no time at all they’re full to bursting again?

Autumn’s natural theme is about letting go of things we don’t need, so we only take what we do into the harsher months of winter.

I love this because we all have so much stuff! We all have too much stuff and are under a constant barrage of marketing to convince us that we need more, different, more!

But we have enough stuff, more than enough, usually. What people crave now is connection. Connection to ourselves, to others, to some sort of deeper purpose. And sadly, this need for connection and belonging isn’t satisfied by social media and 24/7 connectivity. Once the initial thrill on response from social media interactions has worn off, these technologies have been shown to leave us feeling worse, not better. You can read more about the impacts on millennials here.

The good news is that when we clear out stuff, whether it’s physical stuff like crap on your desk, your kitchen or wardrobe, or emotional/mental stuff like unhelpful belief systems, we literally make space for something new and better. What’s more, little things can have a big impact. It’s called the millimeter shift, one tiny move in a different direction can set up a whole chain of different effects.

So here’s my challenge to you for this week. Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is doing one or all of these:

-       Chose one spot at home or work and clear it out! Make it a small but be ruthless. For inspiration see Be More With Less here.

-       Chose one thing that you say all the time that is negative (we all have them) and change it for something that is more empowering. For example if you find yourself constantly saying ‘I’m too busy’, try ‘that’s not my priority right now’ or, ‘I can’t afford that’ to ‘I’m choosing not to buy that”.

-       and my favourite – chose one thing to say no to this week. It could be a meeting, a social engagement, a phone call. Your choice.

Lots of love

Ruth

Why Success is Accidental, in a way

 Have you ever noticed that when one thing is going well in life, other things seem to go better too? For example, you start exercising and you notice you’re feeling more confident at work, or your relationships are going really well and your health improves. Or, have you ever faced a change that you thought was going to be terrible, but when it happened turned out to be quite good, maybe even better than before?
 
When I first started working with a lot more private students last year, I was perplexed to notice a lot of variation in their experience. The students I was working with who were completely new to yoga were having massive breakthroughs and successes. They were reporting feeling better in their bodies, more focused and confident at work, losing weight, feeling happier, their relationships were improving. They were becoming dedicated yogis and it felt like a process of joy. It was phenomenal!
 
But then the students I had who came to work with me with a definite goal just didn’t seem to achieve as much. Sure, we got them where they wanted to be, but somehow it felt harder, and they weren’t reporting all these other things, and seemed to really struggle to maintain their practice.
 
Then I learned about a theory called ‘Obliquity’, by John Kay (see his TED talk here). This is the idea that complex goals are often best pursued indirectly. Here’s the reasoning: complex objectives tend to be imprecisely defined. They may contain elements that aren't necessarily compatible with each other. In practice, we can only learn about the nature of the objectives and how to achieve them during a process of experiment and discovery.

Examples provided are Apple and Microsoft (aren't they always?). These companies have been financially super successful while focussing on delivering a concept to people, whereas over the years a lot of companies whose main goal is profit, such as a lot of banks, have failed. 
 
The people I worked with who newer were open to this process of experiment and discovery. They had no preconceived ideas of how it should work or what it would or wouldn’t be compatible with. In yoga there’s a term for this called ‘aparigraha’ or non-grasping. When we hold on too tight to something we can sometimes suffocate possibility.
 
The students who had a definite idea about what they wanted actually stifled their experience by being definite about how it should look and what it would and would not be compatible with. 
 
Feeling happy, fulfilled and growing spiritually are complex goals. But it is perfectly reasonable and desirable to want them!
 
The good news is it means the most effective way to approach our goals is to be open, experimental and playful. Don’t focus on the big ticket items all the time. Focus on the steps along the way, be open to the path heading in a direction you didn’t expect, and make sure to enjoy the ride!
 
Lots of love
Ruth